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[personal profile] whatxsarahxsaid
Title: All That Glitters Is Not Gold
Author: [livejournal.com profile] whatxsarahxsaid
Pairing(s): Bill/Gustav, one-sided Bill/Tom
Rating: Uh…PG-13 for slight alcohol?
Disclaimer: Sooo not mine.
Warnings: Erm. Angst, I guess. I suck at this.
Summary: He watches Bill in the corner as he watches Tom and wishes it were him Bill obsessively watches.
Author's notes: This is what happens when you procrastinate writing a 20th Century China term paper…I have absolutely no idea why I wrote it the way I did, that’s just the way it came out.

The dazzling lights from the strobes on the distant ceiling dance around the club, entrancing many and kissing the skin of the patrons with a myriad of colors. Someone had thrown glitter off the balcony some time ago and it was still swirling in the air, covering everything and making it shine with life and promise. Gustav sits with Georg in a corner of the club observing the chaos around them. It’s too loud to really hear what Georg is saying, so he humors him and nods along to whatever it is he’s talking about. It doesn’t matter, anyway. He doesn’t think he’ll remember much of anything in the morning due to the large amount of alcohol swirling around in his system.

Gustav stands up, bellowing that he has to use the restroom. On his way, he collides into a staggering dancer.

“Excuse me,” he mutters and starts to walk off. A hand is suddenly around his wrist and swinging him around.

“Where are you going?” Bill questions, slurring slightly. “You’re gonna miss out on all the fun, Gusti.”

“I’m just going to the bathroom,” he says, suddenly too sober. “Where’s Tom?”

Bill looks crestfallen when Gustav mentions Tom. “I don’t know.”

Gustav’s heart clenches tightly at Bill’s face. “He’ll be back.”

Bill snorts and turns away. “Whatever. I don’t care. I’m going to go get a drink.” And before Gustav can say another word, Bill is lost in the throng of clubbers.

After a long wait in line, Gustav makes his way back to the table. As he gets closer to the table, he notices Bill is sitting in his chair, gazing out onto the dance floor. Gustav pulls out the chair next to Bill and sits down.

“I got you a drink,” Bill says, pushing a glass full of swirling red liquid in Gustav’s direction, his gaze never leaving the sea of people.

“Thanks,” he says, his gaze following Bill’s, coming to rest on Tom and another nameless conquest, dancing provocatively under the lights, seemingly angling their bodies to be in the perfect viewing range of Bill.

“He has no shame,” Georg mutters in Gustav’s ear. He nods and wonders if Tom is doing this just to torment his brother.

Bill is like a nervous rabbit, his whole body thrumming and taunt as a bow ready to unleash its arrow. He watches Tom’s every move, making no notice of his surroundings.

“He promised…” Bill whispers through the din, but to Gustav, he could very well have shouted it.

“I think it’s time you take him back to his room, again,” says Georg, giving Gustav a little nudge.

He sighs and stands up. “Come on, Bill. It’s time to go.” Bill lets out a little whine, so characteristically of himself and yet not. Gustav gently tugs on Bill’s arm and he stands, still not looking away from his brother. They make their way through the sea of people and out through the glass doors onto the street.

The difference between the club and outside is remarkable. It’s much cooler and the silence is almost unbearable after the loudness in the club and Gustav feels if he breaks it, it will be like breaking crystal. They walk in mutual silence, each lost within their thoughts. Gustav glances at Bill every couple of seconds, wanting to express a strange feeling he can’t quite explain, so he keeps quiet and walks on. Bill is dragging behind at times, his gait unsteady from the alcohol he consumed at the club so Gustav takes his arm gently and pulls him along, steadying him at times. The hotel is only a few blocks away, but it feels like miles before they’re standing out in the front, gazing up at the full moon shining down at them.

“I can never see the man in the moon,” Bill says suddenly and with an amazing amount of sobriety, breaking the fragile silence between them.

“It’s easy,” Gustav says and moves to stand behind Bill. He leans his arm on Bill’s shoulder and points to the moon. “You see? There are the eyes,” he says, drawing circles with his finger. “And there’s the nose and mouth.” He smiles slightly when he sees his breath leaving goose bumps on Bill’s neck and sending tiny shivers down Bill’s spine.

“Tom could always see the man, but would never show me,” Bill says, leaning backwards onto Gustav. The warmth from Bill radiates off in waves, warming Gustav better than any cup of hot chocolate his mother would make him after spending hours in the snow.

“That’s not very nice.”

“No, it isn’t,” Bill agrees.

They stand in the middle of the street staring up at the moon for a few minutes more. Gustav sighs, gently rustling Bill’s hair, but neither move. Only when they are interrupted by an old homeless man coming out of a side alley do they move apart.

The light inside the hotel is blinding and catches the glitter on Bill and makes him sparkle like a freshly shined diamond. They slowly make their way to the elevator, giggling like schoolgirls at this and that. Bill leaves Gustav at his door with a slight brush across his face that leaves Gustav trembling and continues down the hallway to his room at the far end of the hall. Gustav watches as Bill hugs the wall now he doesn’t have Gustav supporting him.

He shakes his head slightly as lets himself into the room. He has barely walked into the sitting room before there is a soft knock. Opening the door he finds Bill clutching the doorframe as if he was slipping off the world.

“Can I stay here tonight?” he questions, his eyes overly wide and dazzlingly bright.

“Of course.”

Gustav pries Bill gently off the doorframe and guides him inside. He closes the door and turns around; Bill has already collapsed on the couch.

“Do make yourself comfortable,” he teases.

Bill gives a lopsided grin and gives a quiet, “Thanks.”

Gustav sits in the armchair across from Bill and watches him with no less scrutiny then he would fine art in a gallery. Bill has his eyes closed, and the light from the end table’s lamp casts soft shadows across his face. Glitter sparkles on his eyelids and down his cheeks and leaves Gustav mesmerized. Bill’s chest moves ever so slightly, his hands clasped together and resting gently on top. Gustav is sure that in this moment, he has never seen a person look so perfect and so haunting.

Bill opens his eyes and Gustav falls into the glistening depths, unable to look away no matter how much he tries to. He wants to save himself from the embarrassment he is sure is showing on his face or to save himself from something that’s not his to begin with.

Suddenly he’s able to look away. He clears his throat nervously and asks, “Did you want something to drink?”

Bill shakes his head and leans back into the corner of the couch, letting his head drop onto the arm. “I’m fine,” he says and falls silent.

Gustav, unsure what to do, remains in his chair and stretches his legs out in front of him, crossing them at the ankles.

Gazing out the dark window, Gustav whispers to himself, “He doesn’t deserve you.”

They’re quiet for a long while and Gustav is sure Bill has fallen asleep. He stands up quietly and picks up a throw blanket and moves to place it over Bill. But suddenly Bill is looking up at Gustav and he freezes, blanket immobile in the air, ready to be draped over Bill’s relaxing body.

“Thank you,” he whispers.

“You’re welcome.”

Bill shakes his head, sitting up. “No. Thank you for everything. You’re a real friend; you know that, don’t you? You always take care of me. He always says he does, but he doesn’t. You know? It’s always you who’s there. I don’t know what I would do without you, Gustav.” Tears line Bill’s eyes and shine as though pure amber were sitting in pools of molten silver.

Gustav is uncomfortable and his palms have started to sweat. “You would do the same for me.”

“Do you think so? I’m not a good person,” he says and at this moment Gustav thinks Bill looks like a punished child. Heartbrokenly sad and repentant and Gustav can’t understand why.

“What are you talking about?” he asks, sitting down at the opposite end of the couch as far away from Bill as possible.

“Nothing,” he mutters and falls silent once again.

Gustav closes his eyes and a few seconds later he feels Bill shifting slightly on the couch. Opening his eyes, all he can see is Bill. He’s kneeling next to Gustav, his hands placed on his knees and his face is inches from Gustav.

“What are you doing,” he whispers.

“Looking,” Bill shyly whispers, his eyes twinkling for the first time all evening. The soft light catches the golden flecks, making them look unearthly and like ancient amber.

Gustav glances around the room. “At what?”


Gustav’s breath catches in his chest. “Why?”

“You have very pretty eyes,” he says seriously, leaning closer.

“Um…thank you. Yours are nicer, though.”

“Yours seem to always be smiling even when you’re not. I like the color, too. And no-one else has yours. Someone else has eyes just like mine. ”

“I suppose,” is all Gustav can think to say. His heart is about to jump out of his chest if Bill doesn’t back away soon.

“It’s late,” Bill says abruptly, leaning back on his heels. Gustav nods dumbly.

“Let me fix the couch up for you,” he says standing up, glad to be away from the closeness, but immediately missing it.

Bill stands and moves to make room for Gustav. They quickly make up a bed on the couch and Gustav turns to leave, but Bill grabs his wrist for the second time that night, tugging him around to face him.

“Thank you,” he says, stepping close to Gustav. Swallowing harshly, Gustav nods, willing his legs to move.

Bill leans close to Gustav and softly presses his lips against his. His restraint is broken and now he finally knows what it’s like to kiss Bill. Bill’s lips are softer than Gustav ever imagined. He tastes slightly of alcohol, smoke, and something dark and earthy. Gustav is sure nothing has ever tasted better or was more addictive than this.

Bill places his hand gently on Gustav’s shoulder and Gustav is suddenly very aware of his hands. He nearly panics when he doesn’t know what to do with them, but Bill solves this dilemma by gently picking them up and placing them on his waist and back. Bill sighs ever so gently, and Gustav opens his mouth wider, deepening the kiss that started out so innocently but was now turning into something more. He opens his eyes slightly and sees Bill’s are closed. The glitter that has captured his attention all night is twinkling at him like a million stars, reminding him that this is Bill he’s kissing and it chases away his nervousness and comforts him.

Someone whimpers, and Gustav is afraid it came from him. He doesn’t care, not while Bill is pressed so close he can feel his ribs and pelvis cutting into his skin through two sets of clothing. He wants to know why Bill knows how to kiss the way he does, but he’s afraid to know the answer. Deep down he knows it but voicing it will make everything real and he’s fine living on this side of the fantasy for now.

It doesn’t last more than a few minutes, but it feels like a lifetime to Gustav. They break apart, panting slightly, lips rosy and glistening with saliva. Gustav knows it’s absurd, but he wonders if he now has glitter on him.

Bill is looking at Gustav with trepidation, almost as if he’s afraid he’s going to be yelled at and Gustav doesn’t know what to say to comfort him.

“Well, goodnight,” Bill says a little too quickly and Gustav feels like an idiot.

“’Night,” he mutters and swiftly crosses to the bedroom to hide his flaming face.

He changes in record time and lies in bed, replaying the last couple of minutes in his head. It was everything he had imagined and more. A feeling of dread is lodged deep in his throat, but he pushes it away and tries to enjoy the feeling of Bill still fresh in his memory. Butterflies in stomach make it difficult to try and sleep, so Gustav stares up at the ceiling.

He assumes he must have drifted off for a few seconds because suddenly Bill is looming over him, wearing nothing but his boxers and shirt, clutching his chest and shivering slightly with cold.

“What is it?” Gustav questions, sitting up and resting on his elbows.

“I can’t sleep,” he replies, shifting nervously from foot to foot.


“Move over,” he says and puts a knee on the edge of the bed. Gustav scoots over and Bill clambers onto the bed as if he owns it.

Gustav lies back as Bill climbs under the blankets. The lights from the city outside give Gustav just enough light to watch Bill situate himself. He flushes when Bill catches him staring and turns his face away, closing his eyes and whispering a soft, “goodnight.”

He starts slightly as he feels Bill press up against his side and throws his arm and a leg over Gustav’s body. Bill feet are cold, but Gustav doesn’t complain. Bill kisses the side of his mouth gently before wishing him a goodnight. Gustav smiles gently and he wishes one day Bill could love him. But for right now, he'll settle for this.

Date: 2007-10-11 11:28 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] casey711.livejournal.com
That's so good, Srah! You're really good at writing =D *tacklehug*

Date: 2007-10-13 08:47 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] whatxsarahxsaid.livejournal.com
Haha, don't lie, it stunts your life span =P Thank you so much for reading this, Casey. It means a lot that you actually wanted to read it, even though you don't know the fandom, haha.

Date: 2007-10-11 11:50 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lirren.livejournal.com
Oh, Sarah, that was lovely! You did an excellent job with both Gustav and Bill. I could really feel Bill's pain. And I could tell how badly Gustav wanted just a little bit more than he can ever have. It really breaks my heart for both of them. Well done!

Date: 2007-10-13 08:49 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] whatxsarahxsaid.livejournal.com
Ohmygosh, thank you. I can't tell you how paranoid I was that both of their emotions weren't going to show. Thank you so much for reading and commenting. ^__^ I really appreciate it =)

Date: 2007-10-12 02:32 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] gajastar.livejournal.com
Poor sad Gustav! This was sweet and heartbreaking. <3

Date: 2007-10-13 08:50 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] whatxsarahxsaid.livejournal.com
Aw, thank you for reading and commenting. I was going to make it a touch sadder, but decided against it. Good thing I didn't =P

Date: 2007-10-12 04:40 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] letitbegin.livejournal.com
This was really good! I don't know why I always expect your writing to be plain, probably because you say you can't write, but it was really impressive. You used lots of detail and I liked the imagery and distance a lot. Great job!

Date: 2007-10-13 08:53 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] whatxsarahxsaid.livejournal.com
Haha, well, thank you. I'm glad it wasn't plain. I really appreciate your comments and input. When I posted it, I was a little concerned because you hadn't read over it and told me what you thought. I told Shana you're like my security blanket. Haha.

Look, it's your icon! haha. <3 It's lovely. Really one of my favorites.

Date: 2007-10-14 09:51 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] alwaysmatt.livejournal.com
I loved it! I really liked all of the imagery. You have such a way with words that make everything seem to flow so nicely together. It was really sad, too! Have you ever written something that wasn't? Hehe :P

Date: 2007-10-22 06:27 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] whatxsarahxsaid.livejournal.com
Aw, thank you. That means a lot that you read it. LOL And I have written one piece that was funny.

Date: 2007-10-22 06:27 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] whatxsarahxsaid.livejournal.com
Thank you! And thank you for reading =D

Date: 2007-11-15 04:41 am (UTC)
ext_52: (Default)
From: [identity profile] 4am-secret.livejournal.com
This was just so lovely! :)

Date: 2008-02-23 06:15 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] blooeye.livejournal.com
lucky gusi! i wanna cuddle with bill!


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